Anti-hero dog

— Susan Rigby, Guest Columnist Join Wimberley humorist Susan Rigby as she attempts to navigate “the small stuff.”

I am resigned that there will never be a People Magazine article about my dog Seymour’s heroic acts. How do I know that? I have seen his heroism at work and I believe that his heroic gene is missing. I love my dog and wouldn’t trade him for any other, but I wish he possessed some protective instinct for my general welfare.

When there is a loud noise in the house and Seymour is sleeping beside me, he looks at me as if to say, “You better check on that; someone may be breaking in.” Then he resumes his nap. No barking, no curiosity, just a little side eye. I know he is only seven pounds, but I’ve seen him go after a deer to drag it back to the house, so I know he isn’t docile. While he never gets close to the deer, he likes to show who’s boss — from a distance.

Recently I watched a movie that made me cry. Seymour was next to me on the sofa and I conducted an experiment to see if he would try to comfort me. After a few more tears I received a little encouragement when he looked at me with his cute puppy eyes. Then he jumped off, displaying some clear attitude, to find another resting place on the other side of the room. So sorry to have disturbed you, your Highness.

The other day I burnt the toast and the smoke alarm went off. Seymour took off out the doggy door as if there was a bacon sale in the backyard. Never once did he look back to see if I was safe.

I have one of those stickers on my front window that tells firemen that I have a pet so that they will save him. I think I will revise the sticker to say, “My pet is probably safe, please check on the human.”